Exploring myself

I think i m staked by the cursed amulet deep within my soul that has pushed me at acme of solidified pessimism, zenith of paranoia,pinnacle of penitence....My soul has been sealed in suffocating cavern which ends at horizon.., n direction of its end keeps on changing....My soul keeps on growling, howled from the menace of  being bereft . I always tried to apprehend my abject image of unsuccessfulness that gulp down my spirit force & due to that i have been brought in to the word of penitence where i fight with my own self to prove that i have the capability of dominating the world..bt soon realizes the truth of my entity and again i get drowned to abysmal dark hole....and this loop continuous.I keep on bleeding from the pain of letting my gaurd down in every phase of life....I don't know why i have been born...I dont still understand the path of mine...some says to grasp the best u have to leave ur present blissfulness...some says for want of something else u will loose what u have achieved......This contradicting idealogy of some gr8 scholars seems to letting me nowhere.I really wanna win the world, i waana emulate my devoid image , i wanna incarnate my lost pride...i wanna chase my dreams...wait!! but what are my DREAMS.??? It is still inconspicous. In reality i have veiled my face from the mask of mocking smile. I haven't grwn up. Oh! my Lord pls dont let me grow untill i realize the true entity of mine to face this engulfing world.